Today is a good day! Met up and had some catch-up session with Sufi! Congrats to this friend of mine! HAHA! Finally found someone that caught his eye! (Y)(Y) In addition, we also sent each other movies/shows to watch! Intro-ed him "Lie to Me", while he sent me "Saw". But didn't manage to finish sending, cause my laptop died on me. :( Some other time! :D

That aside, recently I've been planning to go to the beach to relax but to no avail. School's starting, and I should start to find time to go and do what I wanna do. Sitting at the breakwaters and with my iPod, thats the kind of life I really want. Really need to relax before I start the hectic life of school with never-ending piles of projects and tutorials.

I always ask myself: What is the definition of friends?
I admit, I do not have hundred over friends beside me. I do not make friends with people, because I don't like to take initiatives. Who are my friends? Who are my foe? Who are the ones who will really be right beside me when I need them? Who will abandon me when I need help? I really don't know. Life is full of ups and downs. Life is full of uncertainty. Sometimes I wish, to have someone to be there for me 24/7, but how is that possible? Sometimes I wish, everyone to understand me fully, but how is that possible? Except for the times I was in a relationship, the rest of the 18years of my life, I had been walking alone. I always tell myself, being alone is good. This way, no one can hurt me, and I have only myself to blame for everything. But its tough. Really tough. This few days I've been letting myself relax via my iTunes, but its not sufficient.

One more thing, I need to get a full body checkup soon. Suspecting i'm suffering from Angina. For those who don't know what it is, here is the description:

Angina is a type of heart-related chest pain. This pain occurs because your heart is not getting enough blood and oxygen. The most common symptom is chest pain that occurs behind the breast bone or slightly to the left of it. It may feel like tightness, heavy pressure, squeezing, or crushing pain. The pain may spread to the arm, shoulder, jaw, or back.

Angina is chest pain or discomfort you get when your heart muscle does not get enough blood. It may feel like pressure or a squeezing pain in your chest. It may feel like indigestion. You may also feel pain in your shoulders, arms, neck, jaw or back.

Angina is a symptom of coronary artery disease (CAD), the most common heart disease. CAD happens when a sticky substance called plaque builds up in the arteries that supply blood to the heart, reducing blood flow.

There are three types of angina: stable, unstable and variant. Unstable angina is the most dangerous. It does not follow a pattern and can happen without physical exertion. It does not go away with rest or medicine. It is a sign that you could have a heart attack soon

Been having these symptoms since secondary school. But the thing is, it does not spread to my other body parts. I just had to breathe in VERY deeply to get the oxygen in, which may result in me feeling dizzy at time, so I have to stop. Just a few days back, it occurred again, so did it occur today. After seeing this online yesterday, it suddenly struck me. What if I really had heart disease, and one day I just pass away due to insufficient oxygen? All the while, I thought I was very healthy, with all the sports that I've done since primary school. But in reality, am I? I really need to book an appointment and go for checkup soon.

Labels: everyday life, feelings