Love makes us strong. ♥;

Saturday, January 29, 2011, 00:02

wash out.

I want to cry, and wash out all of what I'm feeling inside of me.

Labels: feelings

Friday, January 28, 2011, 23:21

Childhood wish

I want a dog.

So that when I'm sad, it can be there for me to pour all my unhappiness to and allow me to pat it till I feel better

So that when I'm happy, it will be there to share my joy and I will be playing with it.

So that when I'm tired of all the drama of life, it will be there to allow me to lie on it's warm body and let me sleep in peace.

So that when I don't feel like going home, I will be thinking of it and actually feel like being home and be there with the dog.

Because at the end of the day,

dogs are the ones who will stay by your side,

forever and always till they leave this world.

Labels: feelings

Wednesday, January 26, 2011, 22:22

Self-inflicted

I'm alone, on my own, and that's all I know
I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh but life goes on
I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in
This world

- Taylor Swift, A Place In This World

This afternoon, I punched myself in my stomach out of anger, sadness, inability to do the things I want to achieve. And I felt a sense of relief from it. And I teared on the bus over what happened today. I want to run away, as far as I can.

Long time since I blogged here? So quite alot of things happened recently, but I can't remember most of them. LOL! Actually, my purpose of blogging today, is about what I saw yesterday.

So I was on my way back home, taking bus 52 from school. There's 2 pairs of couple: One beside me, the other pair opposite me. I will talk about the couple beside me first. So this girl was sitting beside me, her face kinda gloomy and angry probably? So her boyfriend was trying to talk to her, but she ignored him. The boyfriend tried to hold her hand and wrap her hands around his, but she slide her hands out and folded her arms and slept. Her boyfriend leaned his shoulder towards her, but she ignored and folded her arms and bowed down to sleep.

The next pair who sat opposite me. So the couple was actually sharing earpiece and listening music from the girl's iPhone/iPod touch. At first the girl was leaning on her boyfriend's shoulder to rest but less than a minute, she sat straight up. The guy didn't really bother, and he continued to sleep. Out of a sudden, the girl just reach straight into the guy's bag and fish out for his iPhone. The guy was kinda taken aback, but he still reach his hands into his pocket and pass his phone to his girlfriend. As they reached their stop, instead of waking her boyfriend up, she just pulled the earpiece out of his ear, which made the boyfriend wake up in shock. And did I say her face was also kinda gloomy and angry throughout?

Seriously, what's with couples nowadays? As the saying goes: When you're in a relationship, you see people who are single enjoying their freedom, but when you're single all you see are people who are enjoying the sweetness and lovey-dovey feeling in a relationship.

I guess that's life isn't it? Everything will not go according to how you want it to be, but instead pose as challenge for you to overcome and understand one life lesson: Never take things for granted.

Anyway, I had a formspring account, which is totally stale and stagnant. One of my friends asked me: 5 things I do not know about you. It suddenly dwell on me, how many people actually understand me? Behind all my smiles and laughter, which are true and which indicate that I'm hiding how i'm actually feeling? I guess i'm good at hiding my feelings and keeping secrets, so as not to let people understand me better? Maybe because I don't like people to break through the 'wall' I built around myself?

When poly ends, I will meet a new group of friends, brand new faces, brand new personalities. Everytime I move one to a new stage of my life, I always tell myself to change and be more sociable etc. But I can't seem to do that. Sometimes I wish I could grow up faster and form a family so that I can have a life partner to be there for me everyday everytime every moment. But at the same time, I wish I was still a kid.

Labels: feelings

Thursday, December 16, 2010, 00:38

Y-U-NO-GET-EXCITED!

I've ended my common test! Stepping out of the exam hall, feeling confident. Best feeling ever! :DDDDDD

Anyway, 2 more days to my birthday, and i'm totally not excited about it. Not even when my family is gonna celebrate it for me tmr, and bring me out for dinner. :\ As I grow older, I'm less inclined to celebrate my birthday. I don't know how to across that feeling to you guys, but yea! When I was young, birthdays were like the biggest event of my life! But as I reach the age of maturity and as I grow older, I slowly lose this feeling. I start to feel that birthdays are dispensable. Don't know if I used this word correctly, but what i'm trying to say is, even without any special setups/plannings/celebrations for my birthday, i'm okay with it. I'm even happier if nothing was done. Don't even know why I had such a feeling.

So I've managed to persuade my mum, to allow me to go for a full body checkup. Recently, my hands were shaking uncontrollably. Happened before when I was in secondary school, and for the past few years, its been occurring rather oftenly. Last time I went to the chinese physician and asked before, and he said was low blood sugar. But as usual, its still shaking. Initially I suspected it was Parkinson's Disease. Although the chinese physician said it was low blood sugar, but I still had some reservations about it. So yup! Partly this full body checkup is for this issue, and the other parts are because of my suspicion of Angina. Another problem I have, is that whenever I walk, my knee will just "give way". I do not know how to explain. Its like while walking halfway, my leg will suddenly just feel strengthless. Not to the extend of collapsing/falling down, but my knees will start to bend slightly. Its like, after vigorous CCA trainings, your leg will just feel so weak, so much so that when your friend nudges the back of your knee, it will uncontrollably bend forward. Its that kinda feeling. Its also occurring more and more frequently, and I doubt anyone noticed it?

I feel like going overseas to enjoy a quiet time alone. Away from all the hectic lifestyles and problems. Everyone is so happy they are reaching the legal age: can drive, club, smoke etc. To me, its just a number. Whats so fascinating and exciting about a number? I'm just so not excited about my birthday. Can anyone tell me why?

Labels: everyday life, feelings

Sunday, November 7, 2010, 03:19

Symptoms

Time check: 3:19AM
And i'm still awake.
Finished watching The Ring II on Channel 5.
Many things are running through my mind now
Doubt I'll be sleeping tonight.

p/s: the symptoms are acting up again.

Labels: feelings

Friday, October 29, 2010, 00:31

My small little box

In my own small little box,
I found comfort.
Although i'm walking this journey all alone,
although I have a lot of things running through my mind.
I never once wished that I would step out of that little box of mine.
Call me unsociable, call me loner.
But that's just me.
Sometimes I wish someone would understand me,
but sometimes I don't.
At least at the end of the day,
I know,
the one and only person that really understand me,
is myself.

Happy moments. Unhappy moments.
They are part and parcel of life.
But I choose to only keep those happy ones,
and delete the unhappy ones.
Thanks for all the happy moments,
everyone and anyone.

Labels: feelings

Friday, October 22, 2010, 00:48

Being alone.

Today is a good day! Met up and had some catch-up session with Sufi! Congrats to this friend of mine! HAHA! Finally found someone that caught his eye! (Y)(Y) In addition, we also sent each other movies/shows to watch! Intro-ed him "Lie to Me", while he sent me "Saw". But didn't manage to finish sending, cause my laptop died on me. :( Some other time! :D

That aside, recently I've been planning to go to the beach to relax but to no avail. School's starting, and I should start to find time to go and do what I wanna do. Sitting at the breakwaters and with my iPod, thats the kind of life I really want. Really need to relax before I start the hectic life of school with never-ending piles of projects and tutorials.

I always ask myself: What is the definition of friends?
I admit, I do not have hundred over friends beside me. I do not make friends with people, because I don't like to take initiatives. Who are my friends? Who are my foe? Who are the ones who will really be right beside me when I need them? Who will abandon me when I need help? I really don't know. Life is full of ups and downs. Life is full of uncertainty. Sometimes I wish, to have someone to be there for me 24/7, but how is that possible? Sometimes I wish, everyone to understand me fully, but how is that possible? Except for the times I was in a relationship, the rest of the 18years of my life, I had been walking alone. I always tell myself, being alone is good. This way, no one can hurt me, and I have only myself to blame for everything. But its tough. Really tough. This few days I've been letting myself relax via my iTunes, but its not sufficient.

One more thing, I need to get a full body checkup soon. Suspecting i'm suffering from Angina. For those who don't know what it is, here is the description:

Angina is a type of heart-related chest pain. This pain occurs because your heart is not getting enough blood and oxygen. The most common symptom is chest pain that occurs behind the breast bone or slightly to the left of it. It may feel like tightness, heavy pressure, squeezing, or crushing pain. The pain may spread to the arm, shoulder, jaw, or back.

Angina is chest pain or discomfort you get when your heart muscle does not get enough blood. It may feel like pressure or a squeezing pain in your chest. It may feel like indigestion. You may also feel pain in your shoulders, arms, neck, jaw or back.
Angina is a symptom of coronary artery disease (CAD), the most common heart disease. CAD happens when a sticky substance called plaque builds up in the arteries that supply blood to the heart, reducing blood flow.
There are three types of angina: stable, unstable and variant. Unstable angina is the most dangerous. It does not follow a pattern and can happen without physical exertion. It does not go away with rest or medicine. It is a sign that you could have a heart attack soon

Been having these symptoms since secondary school. But the thing is, it does not spread to my other body parts. I just had to breathe in VERY deeply to get the oxygen in, which may result in me feeling dizzy at time, so I have to stop. Just a few days back, it occurred again, so did it occur today. After seeing this online yesterday, it suddenly struck me. What if I really had heart disease, and one day I just pass away due to insufficient oxygen? All the while, I thought I was very healthy, with all the sports that I've done since primary school. But in reality, am I? I really need to book an appointment and go for checkup soon.

Looks like I REALLY NEED TO GET TO THE BEACH!

Labels: everyday life, feelings

Thursday, September 16, 2010, 05:01

Time to let go.

Been through a lot of ups and downs in my life recently.

Too much for me to handle, too much for me to breathe.

I learnt a lesson.

Love ain't an easy thing.

I've fell down hard, now I'm picking myself back up.

When its time to let it go, no point hanging on to it.

Letting go is for the good of both parties.

Labels: feelings

Monday, September 13, 2010, 00:12

Pick back up.

So don't worry, even if the sky is falling down, down, down.
Gonna be ok when it knocks you down, down, down
So baby don't worry, it's alright, a-alright when it knocks you down
When you go down, when you go down down
Don't need to worry, just pick back up when you're tumbling down, down, down.

Credits: Lyrics from 'United State of Pop 2009 - Blame It On Pop' by DJ Earworm

I really need to pick myself up. Need a breather. Need to go somewhere quiet, a place where I will be alone. Or I may choose to go overseas, and stay there for a couple of months.

Labels: feelings, lyrics

Friday, August 20, 2010, 16:00

Heart-rending

A super touching video I watched on YouTube earlier on, whilst having my break from studying FMGT. I cried. It really shows how much the family members of the soldiers misses them. Imagine: You have a son/husband/father out at Iraq, and they finally come home safely after being there for months. Its really a very touching scene! There is a second part, but I don't think I will watch it, 'cause I needa study, and at the same time scared I will cry non-stop! :\

Labels: feelings

Saturday, August 14, 2010, 21:04

Climax.

Am watching the YOG Opening Ceremony. Uhhh, rather disappointing I would say? Was expecting something more grand, and big. Well, it was like a GRAND NATIONAL DAY PERFORMANCE. -.- They keep showing about Singapore culture, and races etc. Honestly, not related to YOG? Hmmmm. Rather down, the atmosphere is not like very high and WOW! Maybe it's because of the Olympics @ Beijing. Their performance was AWESOME + STUNNING! (Y) That may be the reason why my expectation was so high? Don't think I will continue watching anymore? Shall see shall see.

Labels: feelings, YOG

Tuesday, July 13, 2010, 22:29

HOME 0 : 2 AWAY

Bad bad days.
Experiencing rough days in school.
Many things happened along the way.
I'm surviving only because there is babyboy by my side.
It feels great to have just each other, when things cropped up.
Although I tend to be a bitch at times, but I appreciated everything babyboy did.

Shall not gossip about anything here.
I'm afraid of retribution, honestly.
People know what they are doing, and consequences of it.

When there is a sinking ship, will you choose to abandon it to save yourself, or remain in it to help out the others?

Question worth pondering.

Labels: everyday life, feelings

Monday, July 12, 2010, 20:52

SECRECY

I can confidently say, everyone has this mask which they are putting on every time.
Except for that small group of them.
I am no exception.

People tend to do things secretly, thinking no one will know it.
On the contrary, the secrecy is so obvious,
that actually even the dumbest person will know about it.
The eyes and mannerism.
Whisperings and beating around the bushes.
How can it not be obvious?

People tend not to appreciate things right in front of them.
I am no exception.
Peer influences.
Why follow big groups, and abandon the ones who knows you best?
Why leave when you are assured of something in the group that knows you best?
It is just so frustrating that after countless attempts,
you do not succeed in achieving what you wanted.

Human mind.
It is no doubt the most complex thing on earth.
One moment they look harmless,
the next moment they come with a razor-sharp knife and attack you right in the face.
Ouch.
That really hurts.

My mum's friend once said: Nothing is forever.
Well, this is a very good example.
The only way to learn this quote, is through the hard way.

The truth,
is always the most hurtful,
the most disturbing,
the most unforseeable,
the most ugly.

Labels: everyday life, feelings

Friday, July 9, 2010, 20:46

Life without projects. (Y)

Can life be without projects?
Seriously, fuck them all.
Straining all friendships/relationship.
Is it worth?
For the end result of good GPA?

Labels: everyday life, feelings

Sunday, June 13, 2010, 23:32

That's about it.

Labels: feelings

Wednesday, June 9, 2010, 23:36

My happiness

He's my happiness. My happy pill! :DDDDDDD

Labels: feelings

, 23:28

ILOVEYOU

Labels: feelings

, 23:10

EMOTIONS

This is me when I’m BORED.

When I’m HUNGRY.

When you talked to me.

When you DIDN’T talk to me.

When I saw something that HURTS.

When I didn’t get our Math lesson.

When I’m procrastinating.

When you broke my heart.

When you told me something that wasn’t good to hear.

When you lied to me.

When I’m REALLY excited.

When you told me I LOVE YOU.

When someone hurts my best friend.

When I’m with my friends.

When test results will be out tomorrow.

When I’m with you.

Labels: feelings

Thursday, May 20, 2010, 19:18

I'm that girl.

I’m the girl who prefers one rose instead of a dozen.

I’m the girl who would rather stay in on a Friday night than go to a wild party with random strangers.

I’m the girl who wouldn’t make you wait on her hand and foot, but would do anything to make you happy.

I’m the girl who would enjoy having a movie night rather than going to some fancy restaurant.

I’m the girl who would rather stay up all night sharing secrets than going out and getting drunk.

I’m the girl who won’t make you hold her bags, but would rather hold your hand instead.

I’m the girl who will love you more than anyone can possibly dream of.

I’m the girl who would give the world to see you smile.

Labels: feelings

Sunday, May 16, 2010, 22:05

I've reached it.

I'm will break down any minute.
'Cause i've reached my limit.
I'm not as intelligent as anyone out there.
I feel like giving up everything that I have now.
2 more hours.
&i will shut myself off from this world,
for today.

Labels: feelings

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